What Stands in the Way?
I recently received the book, The Daily Stoic, as a gift while serving in an austere environment. It was a thoughtful gift. Perhaps you are already familiar with other books by Ryan Holiday, such as The Obstacle is the Way, or The Daily Dad. Regardless, my intent was to follow the daily reading cycle. One page a day. A slow and steady cadence of reflection. Measured. Disciplined. Stoic, even.
That was the plan. Instead, I read the entire book in just a month.
It wasn’t out of urgency, but rather something in the book that compelled me to keep turning the pages. Maybe it was the short daily reflections. Perhaps the environment where I was at the time? Perhaps even the events occurring elsewhere impacting my life? And it wasn’t just the wisdom of Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, or the parallels I found with the teachings of Jesus. Proverbial, yes. What truly drew me in was the persistent tension between how we intend to think and how we actually do.
And perhaps more importantly, why we avoid thinking (and acting) directly about the very things that matter most.
What About My Mind?
“The proper work of the mind is the exercise of choice, refusal, yearning, repulsion, preparation, purpose, and assent.”
This quote gave me pause and required genuine reflection. While philosophical, it felt almost prescriptive, perhaps even diagnostic.
While not abstract ideas, they are functional. In fact, they form a kind of situational framework, almost like the vital signs of the mind for that moment, that thought:
Choice: What will I do?
Refusal: What will I not tolerate?
Yearning: What is worth pursuing?
Repulsion: What must I avoid?
Preparation: Am I ready for what may come?
Purpose: Why does this matter?
Assent: Do I accept this as true?
It’s important to recognize that it’s not just awareness of this functional framework that matters, but the exercise and active use of it that cultivates the proper working of the mind. Many have commented on this idea and while not all agree, what is commonly held is what can corrupt the mind’s proper functioning?
Nothing but its own decisions.
Not circumstances. Not other people. Not adversity. Just… us.
The Subtle Drift
Here’s where it becomes uncomfortable: most of us don’t fail in dramatic fashion; we drift. We avoid confronting the obstacle or the issue directly. Instead, we think around it, circumnavigate, rationalize, delay, or reframe prematurely. We distract ourselves with productivity that appears meaningful but sidesteps the core issue. And as a result, we suffer from a slow, unnoticed boil.
We shift from: “What is this problem asking of me?” to “How can I avoid the discomfort of addressing this?”
And it’s subtle. Almost invisible.
Until you realize weeks, months, or years have passed, and the obstacle remains. Unchanged. Waiting. And its impact on your mind, your approach, and perhaps your life becomes profound.
What Stands in the Way
Marcus Aurelius wrote: “What stands in the way becomes the way.” It has become increasingly popular, broadly applied, yet remains a quote that’s easy to admire and much harder to live. And its application demands a shift in three domains: perception, action, and will.
1. Perception: The obstacle is not an interruption of the path. It is the path.
In emergency medicine, leadership, and life, this is where most of the work begins. The difficult (or missing) conversation, the underperforming system, the strained relationship, the internal self-doubt.
We need to see it clearly and call it out, not ignore it. This isn’t a positivity pivot, this is a call to action.
2. Action: What is the right next step?
Once seen clearly, we must identify the right next step. Not the perfect plan. Not the fully mapped solution. And likely something that will not be comfortable (or it would have already been addressed).
Just the next deliberate action that moves toward the obstacle, the issue, instead of away from it. You must act.
Clarity rarely precedes action.
More often, clarity emerges because of it.
3. Will:
This is often the deal breaker. Will is not intensity. It’s consistency. Sometimes barely perceptible but present. And it doesn’t have to be solitary. It’s a quiet decision to return to the obstacle again, and again, and again. For me, it is often grounded in prayer and a desire for change.
Will comes quietly, without dramatizing, resenting, or waiting for motivation to arrive.
Why We Avoid It
If it were only that easy. How often do the ‘what if’s’ of life get in the way? How often do irrational fears halt any forward momentum toward change? And how did I get this far?
And if this is so clear, why don’t we do it?
Because addressing “what stands in the way” requires three uncomfortable truths:
Ownership: We are often more responsible than we’d like to admit.
Exposure: The obstacle often requires letting down our guard and may reveal something about ourselves we may not want to see.
Effort: There are no shortcuts through meaningful resistance. Consistent. Effort. Daily.
So, the mind does what it does best when uncomfortable: it protects. It redirects. It rationalizes. It creates its own dysfunction. Not out of weakness, but out of habit.
A Different Approach
Over the past month, as I moved through this read, I found myself reframing a common daily question:
What am I currently thinking around… instead of thinking through?
That question changes things. It forces clarity where there was avoidance. It requires engagement when passivity persists. It pulls the obstacle back into focus. And it reconnects the mind to its proper work.
If you are struggling with an obstacle, an issue, a missed conversation that has buried you recently (or for some time) you are not alone.
The question remains: What are you willing to do about it? Consider these steps:
1. Name the Issue Clearly
Not the story. Not the surrounding noise. Just the thing itself.
This conversation I’ve been avoiding. This decision I haven’t made. This fear or anxiety that paralyzes me.
Clarity removes escape routes.
2. Identify the Distortion
Where has your thinking drifted and why? Over-complication? Minimization? Blame? Shame? Delay disguised as preparation (procrastinative fear)?
Call it out directly.
3. Take One (Uncomfortable) Step
Not ten. Not five. One.
Act. Change is rarely comfortable. Tell yourself the truth. Send the message. Schedule the meeting. Make the call. State the expectation. Walk into that room.
Perception identifies. Action restores alignment. Will is required.
The obstacle is not separate from growth. It is the very mechanism of growth. When the mind is functioning properly, it is not meant to avoid this reality, but to fully engage with it.
So maybe the question isn’t: What’s in your way?
But rather: What are you still unwilling to walk toward, or walk through?
Because more often than not, that is where the path truly begins.