Assuming Positive (Virtuous) Intent: A Discipline That Changes Everything
Let’s be honest, we’ve all done it and suffered the consequences. Sometimes unknowingly. At other times, aware, but we take that first step without giving it a second thought. (Incorrect) Assumptions. That small spark of negativity that triggers a cascade of irrational emotions (and, at times, less-than-ideal responses). Too often, we forget that most conflict (personal or professional) doesn’t start with malice.
It starts with assumptions.
Whether we realize it or not, assumptions are commonly present in our daily interactions:
Assumptions about tone (especially in non-spoken tone, i.e., email, texts).
Assumptions about motives.
Assumptions about why someone did or didn’t do something.
I recently completed the book Decisive, where the Heath brothers challenge us to “Consider the Opposite” when an interaction, event, or message takes us by surprise. They describe this action as an intentional, deliberate pause that interrupts our default thinking patterns, especially when emotions are high and/or when we believe we already “know the answer.”
In leadership, medicine, family life, and team dynamics, this idea shows up powerfully as the assumption of positive (or virtuous) intent. It’s not naïveté. It’s not ignoring accountability. It’s not lowering standards.
It is a disciplined mindshift that allows better decisions, healthier relationships, and higher-performing teams.
And it matters.
Why We Default to the Wrong Story
We must recognize that our brains are wired to prioritize negative information because, from a survival perspective, noticing threats and dangers was crucial. Additionally, our brains are highly engaged and efficient machines. When an interaction goes sideways (or we perceive something amiss), we quickly fill in the gaps: “They don’t care”, “They’re being difficult”, “They’re lazy, disengaged, or disrespectful.”
The Heath brothers call this response creating a narrow frame. This is when we lock onto a single explanation and then gather evidence to support it (the same way your searches or swipes continue to feed you the same ‘truths’ that you are looking for). Once that happens, our behavior follows the story we’re telling ourselves, whether justified or not.
Assuming positive intent forces us to widen the frame.
Have you ever considered:
What if my initial interpretation of this interaction is incomplete—or flat-out wrong?
That question alone can change the trajectory of a conversation, a relationship, or an organization.
Three Reasons Assuming Positive Intent Is a Leadership Multiplier:
1. It Slows Emotional Reactions and Improves Judgment
When we assume negative intent, our nervous system reacts first, and our reasoning follows, often poorly. We become fixated and selfishly justified.
However, “considering the opposite” creates space between stimulus and response. That pause:
Reduces defensiveness
Lowers emotional temperature
Allows curiosity to replace judgment
Leaders who do this consistently make better decisions, not because they’re softer but because they’re clearer.
2. It Preserves Trust While Still Allowing Accountability
Trust is fragile. One assumption-driven interaction can erode months or years of goodwill. Assuming positive intent communicates:
“I believe you’re trying.”
“I respect your perspective.”
“We’re on the same team.”
You can assume positive intent and still address poor outcomes. The difference is how the conversation starts. Accountability built on trust leads to growth (think about the Lencioni model here). Accountability built on suspicion leads to distrust, poor morale, and withdrawal.
3. It Models the Culture You Want, Not Just the Results You Expect
Teams don’t just follow instructions; they absorb and model behaviors.
When leaders ask before accusing, seek understanding before correction, and separate impact from intent, they create psychological safety. And psychologically safe teams perform better under pressure, communicate earlier (and better), recover faster from mistakes, and creatively embrace challenges.
Culture is built one interaction at a time. Assuming positive intent is one of the simplest and most powerful ways to shape it.
Flip the Script: Assuming Virtuous Intent in Practice
The next time you feel frustrated, offended, or disappointed by someone’s action, “consider the opposite” principle by widening the frame before responding:
Write down your initial story.
“They didn’t respond because they don’t respect my time.”Force yourself to name three alternative explanations.
They were overwhelmed clinically.
They misunderstood the urgency.
They were handling a separate personal issue.
Lead the conversation from curiosity, not conclusion.
“Help me understand what was going on—I may be missing something.”
This exercise mirrors the Heath brothers’ “consider the opposite” principle by widening the frame and disrupting overconfidence in a single narrative. Not only will this exercise widen the frame but also disrupt emotional overconfidence in a single narrative. Practice it enough, and it becomes instinctive.
Assume Positive (Virtuous) Intent
In high-pressure environments—medicine, leadership, families, teams under strain—misunderstandings are inevitable. What’s optional is how we respond to them. When we assume positive intent, we create a culture that embraces change, reduces unnecessary conflict, strengthens relationships, improves decision quality, and fosters a supportive environment. Most importantly, it aligns our actions with who we aspire to be as leaders and humans.
The strongest leaders aren’t the ones who assume the worst.
They’re the ones disciplined enough to pause, reframe, and choose a better story.
And that choice, made consistently, changes everything.